The end of August brought the crossroads of AND. A liminal space of possibility and potential. I stand in this space and see paths weaving out in limitless directions. Overlapping, creating new crossroads as paths converge and mingle out into eternity – a space where multiple truths can exist at once. AND.
I’ve been quiet lately – contemplating life, the universe, and everything while standing in this crossroads.
I say this both facetiously and seriously. How did I get here? Where am I going? Which path do I take? I stand stationary in this crossroads while walking down my own path. I’m moving forward AND standing still. How can that be truth? I don’t know. Magic?!
I’ve spent much of my life trying to literally and figuratively take up as little space as possible while simultaneously my physical belongings spilled out all over the place. As if my unwillingness and refusal to take up the spiritual space my soul requires became manifest in the physical world. Spirit whispers, “You are too scared to step into your calling? Here’s a physical representation of what your soul naturally does.” A pile of art supplies falls over.
Through this calendar year, this need to sort out my space, my belongings, and myself has been paramount. I’m getting close to completing the physical work. I’ve actively spent a minimum of 20 years working towards coalescence – integration, joining and merging all the elements of me into a whole that I can understand as one being.
I can’t pinpoint the exact memory or moment when I shattered.
Did I enter this incarnation fragmented? Did early childhood trauma create the schism? For a long time, I searched for these answers thinking that healing a specific event would fix everything. I think differently, now.
I no longer seek the “source” of the shattering – it really doesn’t matter and likely wasn’t one event. What does matter to me now is healing, integration, and stepping into my calling. All year, the pieces have been falling into place as I’ve spun my spells, journaled, moved through Yoga Teacher Training, and delved back into art. All of which, I consider my witchcraft. Much like my mentor, Witchcraft is My Medicine.
The picture of the puzzle of Laura AND Serendipity Wyrd is coming into focus. It is still a little fuzzy, yet, there’s clarity on the horizon.
This process hasn’t been easy for me or for people close to me.
It’s never been my intention to cause hurt or harm to anyone as I heal. Intentions don’t always matter though and healing is messy work. I’ve hurt and harmed myself and others while figuring all this out. I’m not proud of all of my actions AND I own them as steps on this path of self-discovery.
I extend deep gratitude and appreciation to the people who have listened to my musings, rants, and confusion whether they are still actively involved in my life or not.
I extend deep gratitude and appreciation to my soul, self, and shadow.
I’ve been blessed with wonderful partners, friends, guides, and mentors.